How Can You Stay Calm During Dementia Care Crises?

Taking care of someone with dementia can be one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do. The unpredictable nature of the disease can lead to sudden crises that can be overwhelming. When a loved one is confused, agitated, or even aggressive, it’s easy to feel helpless and anxious. But staying calm during these tough moments is crucial—not just for you, but for the person you’re caring for.

Staying calm might sound easier said than done, but there are ways to manage your emotions and reactions when things get rough. In this post, I’ll walk you through some practical steps that can help you keep your cool, even in the middle of a dementia-related crisis.

Knowing the Situation

The first thing you need to do in a crisis is to understand what’s happening. Dementia can cause a person to act in ways that seem out of character. They might become paranoid, accuse you of things you haven’t done, or lash out verbally or physically. This isn’t because they’re angry with you; it’s the disease talking.

For example, imagine your mother suddenly accuses you of stealing her favorite necklace. She’s absolutely convinced it’s gone, and no amount of reasoning seems to help. In this situation, it’s important to remember that her brain is misfiring. She’s not trying to hurt you; she’s genuinely scared and confused. Recognizing that the behavior is a symptom of dementia—not a reflection of your relationship—can help you keep your emotions in check.

Taking a Deep Breath

When faced with a sudden outburst or crisis, your first instinct might be to react immediately. You might feel the urge to defend yourself or to correct the person’s misperception. But before you do anything, take a deep breath. Literally.

Breathing deeply can help slow down your heart rate and give you a moment to think before you act. This pause can be crucial in preventing the situation from escalating. For instance, if your father becomes angry because he thinks you’re a stranger in his home, taking a moment to breathe can help you respond calmly rather than arguing with him.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

People with dementia often feel a mix of fear, confusion, and frustration. Acknowledging these emotions can go a long way in calming a crisis. You don’t need to agree with their reality, but you can validate their feelings.

Let’s say your spouse is upset because they believe they need to go to work, even though they’ve been retired for years. Instead of telling them they’re wrong, you could say something like, “I understand that you feel like you need to be there. It’s okay, you’ve done a great job.” This approach helps them feel heard and respected, which can defuse tension.

Stay Positive and Reassuring

Dementia can make a person feel like their world is falling apart. Your calm and positive demeanor can be a beacon of reassurance in the midst of their storm. Even if you don’t know exactly what to do, just being there and staying composed can make a huge difference.

For example, if your loved one is convinced that they need to leave the house to pick up a child from school—even though the child is now an adult—try to stay positive. You might say, “The school called, and they’re taking care of everything. Let’s sit down and have some tea.” Redirecting their attention with a calm and friendly attitude can often help shift their focus and ease their anxiety.

Use Distraction Techniques

When emotions are running high, distraction can be a powerful tool. Shifting the person’s focus away from what’s causing their distress can sometimes resolve the crisis altogether.

Imagine your loved one is fixated on wanting to go home, even though they’re already in their house. Instead of arguing, you could suggest going for a short walk or looking at old photos together. This can gently move their attention away from their distress and onto something more pleasant.

Set Boundaries While Staying Compassionate

While it’s important to be compassionate, it’s also okay to set boundaries to protect yourself and your loved one. If the person becomes physically aggressive or is putting themselves or others in danger, it’s crucial to intervene.

For instance, if your mother tries to leave the house in the middle of the night, gently but firmly guide her back inside. You might say, “It’s not safe to go out right now, but I’m here with you. Let’s stay inside and keep each other company.” Setting limits with kindness can help keep the situation under control without escalating the tension.

Practice Self-Care

Caring for someone with dementia is emotionally and physically exhausting. If you’re constantly on edge, it’s harder to stay calm during crises. That’s why taking care of yourself is not just important—it’s essential.

Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating well, and taking breaks when you need them. Even small acts of self-care, like taking a short walk or talking to a friend, can help replenish your energy and keep you grounded. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask for help from other family members or professional caregivers.

Learn and Apply Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques can be incredibly helpful during a crisis. These are simple practices that help bring your focus back to the present moment, which can reduce feelings of panic or anxiety.

One common technique is the “5-4-3-2-1” exercise. It involves noticing five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise can help anchor you in the present and calm your nervous system, making it easier to handle the situation at hand.

Educate Yourself About Dementia

The more you know about dementia, the better equipped you’ll be to handle crises. Understanding the different stages of the disease and the behaviors that can accompany each stage can help you anticipate and prepare for difficult moments.

For instance, knowing that hallucinations and delusions are common in the later stages of dementia can help you respond more calmly if your loved one starts seeing or hearing things that aren’t there. Rather than reacting with fear or frustration, you can offer comfort and gently redirect their attention.

Seek Professional Guidance

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a crisis might feel too overwhelming to manage on your own. In these cases, seeking professional help is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of strength.

In this study by Harvard College, researchers found that simple activities can help manage stress and improve the well-being of both caregivers and those with dementia. For instance, taking a walk or going on an outing can offer a refreshing change of scenery, which helps lift mood and reduce anxiety.

Physical activity is beneficial for mood and memory, making it a valuable part of daily care. Additionally, incorporating soothing activities like hand massages or touch therapy can provide comfort and calm. Music also plays a crucial role; integrating familiar tunes into daily routines can enhance emotional stability and well-being.

Conclusion

Staying calm during a dementia care crisis is challenging, but it’s possible with the right mindset and strategies. By understanding the situation, taking deep breaths, acknowledging feelings, and using techniques like distraction and grounding, you can navigate these tough moments more effectively. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and seek professional help when needed. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and with patience and compassion, you can help your loved one feel safe and supported, even in the most difficult times.